General thoughts on things I find interesting. Sometime funny, sometimes thought provoking, sometimes not. No ads, just fun stuff to pass the time.
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Why McCain Will Lose
This video is the embodiment of why McCain will lose this election. These people actually believe this stuff.
"I won't have to worry about putting gas in my car. I won't have to worry about paying my mortgage." - Spoken by Peggy Joseph, Champion of the Self-Reliant
Reminds me of an interesting quote, sometimes erroneously attributed to Alexander Tyler:
"A democracy can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves money from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most money from the public treasury."
Tomorrow will make history all right.
Dressing Room Fail
This was just an empty dressing room. There was no toilet anywhere. I wonder what happened to make them put this sign up in the first place.
Obama Tax Policy Contest
Obama had the following quote yesterday in response to a question about his tax policy. Here is the link.
This policy is remarkably similar to a theory put forth around 1875 by this person.
Can anyone guess who proposed this policy and what it was called. Bonus points if you can name what countries have tried this program in the recent past.
Palin's Debate Performance
Sarah held her own tonight. Some of her answers at the beginning were a bit canned, but she loosened up and connected pretty well with Joe six-pack.
Biden looked like I do after working 24 hours straight. He even made McCain look young.
Remember the Kennedy-Nixon debate?
There is No Media Bias
The lovely lady pictured here is Nanci Pelosi, speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. She was leading a 'bipartisan' attempt to wreck save our economy yesterday when she gave a speech prior to voting on the bill.
She just wanted to clarify a few things about the state of the economy first. Here an excerpt:
$700 billion. A staggering number, but only a part of the cost of the failed Bush economic policies to our country. Policies that were built on budget recklessness when Pres. Bush took office, he inherited Pres. Clinton's surpluses - four years in a row budget surpluses on a trajectory of $5.6 trillion in surplus. And with his reckless economic policies, within two years, he had turned it around. And now 8 years later, the foundation of that fiscal irresponsibility, combined with an "anything goes" economic policy, has taken us to where we are today.
For some reason, this fair and open-minded statement was frowned on by some of the Republicans.
Shortly after the Republican outcry, an unbiased CNN reporter said the following:
The Republicans claim Pelosi's speech poisoned the vote, but I didn't see anything in her speech that could be seen as negative towards Republicans.
See? Fair, balanced reporting that we have come to expect of CNN.
I just don't see what the fuss is about.
Obama's Debate
McCain said he won't make it to the debate tomorrow. He is too busy doing his JOB as a senator to participate in a campaign. Obama says he will make it to the debate anyway. I guess he thinks a job interview for a new job is more important than the one he currently gets paid to do.
Let's see who blinks first.
UPDATE: Regrettably, McCain blinked, and gave in to pressure to show up after all. First he was criticized for not wanting to come to the debate. Now he will be bashed for not keeping his word to "suspend the campaign until an agreement has been reached." When will we learn that we can't make the left happy until they have all the marbles?
New Internet Provider
I now have a new internet provider. The stats below are from a screenshot at dslreports.com to Linkline.
I'm sorry, but is that a download speed of almost 16 megs a second? Why yes, I do believe it is.
Is it expensive? You bet your sweet bippy it is, but you get what you pay for and you can't put a price on awesome.
Biden Defines Patriotism
Our potential vice-president knows how to spend our money better than we do. In fact, he says it is the patriotic thing to do. Here is the article.
What is that spinning sound, you might ask? It seems to be coming from the graves of our Founding Fathers......
Palin Poster
Three weeks ago, we were getting ready for an Obama coronation, and there was talk of a supermajority in Congress to really make those wonderful socialist neighborly changes we have all been yearning for.
I have been away for awhile, but I am back. Here are just more of the same. Enjoy.
Thoughtful Posters 9
Obama Has a Solution For Everything
Obama said the following in a speech yesterday.
"There are things you can do individually though, to save energy. Like making sure your tires are properly inflated. Simple things. But we could save all the oil that they're talking about getting off drilling if everybody was just inflating their tires and getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much."
The Democrats like saying that we 'cannot drill our way out of the oil problem', but Obama says we can just inflate our way out of it. That's it! It's so easy. His 'solution' is so simple, I can't believe anyone hasn't thought of it before.
Here are a few more suggested Obama Solutions (TM) to fix the problems of the world.
Global Problem: Islamic terrorists want to kill us because we believe differently.
Obama Solution (TM): Each American can send a plate of 'peace cookies' to the terrorist state of their choice.
Global Problem: Too much CO2 is causing global warming.
Obama Solution (TM): Each American is to hold their breath for 10 or more seconds, three times a day.
Global Problem: Personal and retirement savings is at an all-time low.
Obama Solution (TM): Everyone can look under their couch cushions and put whatever money they find into an interest bearing savings account.
Global Problem: Millions of people are starving all over the world.
Obama Solution (TM): Each American should chew their food at least 30 times, making each meal last longer and feeling full more quickly. Any excess food should then be mailed to starving countries ASAP.
Wow. How did we ever survive without Obama's clarity of thought and remarkable insight? I'd better get out and make sure my tires are full, right after my breath holding time is finished.
Thoughtful Posters 8
One of the last transmissions received from the 'Flying Brazilian Priest' :
I need to contact someone who can teach me how to operate this GPS, so I can give the latitude and longitude coordinates, which is the only way that people on the ground can know where I am.
Here is an interesting story from Associated Press:
LOS ANGELES (AP) - The Los Angeles City Council has approved a one-year moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in a low-income area of the city.
The moratorium unanimously approved Tuesday is a bid to attract restaurants that offer healthier food choices to residents in a 32-square-mile area of South Los Angeles.
Councilwoman Jan Perry says residents at five public meetings expressed concern with the proliferation of fast-food outlets in a community plagued by above-average rates of obesity.
Nearly three-quarters of the restaurants in South L.A. serve fast food. That’s a higher percentage than other parts of the city but the restaurant industry says the moratorium won’t help bring in alternatives.
So here is how I imagine the conversation at the Los Angeles City Council went:
Councilman Do-good: We have too many fat people here in L.A.; we need to do something about that.
Councilman Common Sense: Well, we can try some advertising or educational campaign, but we can't tell people what to eat.
Councilman Do-good: Like hell we can't! We are the City Council! We have ultimate power! What are these lard-butts eating nowadays.
Councilman Common Sense: Um, it seems that they really like burgers and fries from fast food places.
Councilman Do-good: Fine. We'll just get rid of all of the fast food places, then they will have no choice but to eat healthy.
Councilman Common Sense: What makes you think they will eat healthy?
Councilman Do-good: They have to, since burgers and fries will be wiped from the map.
Councilman Common Sense: The restaurant industry says it won't work.
Councilman Do-good: What do they know about people's eating habits? If burgers and fries are not legally available, then no one will want them.
Councilman Common Sense: Yeah, we kinda tried that with drugs and that hasn't turned out so well either. Besides, I don't think we can just close down private businesses.
Councilman Do-good: Hmm. Well, we have to start somewhere. Let's just use our power to stop new ones from opening up. Later we can tax the existing ones out of existence.
Of course, my guess is that there was no Common Sense at the City Council meeting, or pretty much anywhere in California.
Thoughtful Posters 6
Thoughtful Posters 5
Thoughtful Posters 4
Thoughtful Posters 3
Thoughtful Posters 2
Thoughtful Posters 1
This is an original, done by me. You can make one, too here.
Interesting Screenshot Episode 1
This has been a running internet joke for years, but some of the responses were pretty funny. Feel free to send any interesting screenshots, and I will post them here.
To take a screenshot, just hold 'ctrl' and press 'prnt scrn', then open a graphics program like paint and hold 'ctrl' and press 'v' to paste the image. Then simply save the image.
Change We Can Believe In (TM)
Photo Courtesy appletreeblog.com
He really is different. Thistime we can elect someone who stands by his principles. This time we have someone who says what he means, and will do what he says. He won't pander to the crowds and tell them what they want to hear. Yes sir, Obama is what we have been looking for. Chaaaaaaaaaange.
What's that? That screeching sound? That would be the power slide of the Obama campaign moving toward the center. Is there is a difference between 'honing' your policy position or adding 'nuance' and a total reversal of course? Let's find out.
He has the Democrat Party nomination. Time to pretend he is not a nut job radical and kiss up to those gun-toting religious nuts in fly-over country. Obama has promised us change, and to the surprise of many he has already started to deliver. Here are just a few of his 'changes':
He promised an immediate withdrawal from Iraq, but it could take up to 16 months, which may need refinement depending on what the generals say, and we can't leave if the region would be 'unstable' .... did I not mention that earlier?
Obama said that the issue of gay marriage should be left up to the state, but now he opposes a California ballot measure that would ban same-sex marriages. Last time I checked California was be a state, for now anyway.
Once opposed the Republicans welfare reform plan, calling it "disturbing." The polls say welfare reform is popular, and now he embraces it. Huh?
He was against granting immunity to telecom companies that aided our government in eavesdropping on telephone messages to and from known terrorist operatives overseas. Now he is for granting this immunity to the evil telecom corporations.
Obama said that he wholeheartedly supported the ban on the private ownership of guns in Washington DC. Then, after the Supreme Court came down with their ruling last week, suddenly Obama said he favors both an individual's right to own a gun as well as government's right to regulate ownership. Say that again?
Earlier this year Obama said that he was going to accept public financing of his presidential campaign after the convention. Whoops; there are a lot more dollars available from private contributions than from public financing. Time for another 'change'.
Barack was going to immediately renegotiate all of the evil NAFTA treaty. Now ... well, maybe we need to give it a chance.
He voiced objection to the Supreme Court's decision outlawing the death penalty for child rapists, but he has always been anti-capital punishment. DOH!
Sorry about all the pictures of flip-flops. I looked everywhere for a picture of a 'nuance' but I couldn't find one, even on John Kerry's site.
You might be hearing more about these over the next, say, 4 months or so.
Here are a few of his excuses for the changes (Actual quotes):
"Refining" his position "Honing" the policy Made an "inartful" statement to begin with Needed to "re-calibrate" his position "I wasn't clear enough." "You didn't hear me right."
And finally, the best quote ever: I have always said ... I would always reserve the right to do what's best. (Translation: I can do whatever I want despite anything I have said. EVER. Next question?)
Basically, the way I see it, there are 3 reasons for Obama's flip-flops.
1. He is too inexperienced to have a well thought out opinion on anything in the first place, and thus needed to change position to fit his new information. Every single day. 2. He will say whatever he needs to get elected regardless of what he really thinks or believes. 3. He really believes that a total reversal is simply a 'refinement' of your position.
So which is it? Child-like inexperience, bold-face deception, or delusional. Either way, you may now panic in 3 .... 2 .... 1.....
Happy Fourth of July
Here are a few of my favorite pics from the Military Motivator blog. Enjoy!
Here is a close-up from the above photo. Something to think about.
Thank you to all those who serve to protect what we celebrate today.
Gen. Clark Criticizes McCain's Lack of Military Experience. ....... Wait. What?
Gen Wesley Clark has masterfully demonstrated the concept of Irony while simultaneously saying one of the stupidest things ever uttered. He was criticizing one of the Presidential candidates when he said the following.
"He has been a voice on the Senate Armed Services Committee. And he has traveled all over the world. But he hasn't held executive responsibility. That large squadron in the Navy that he commanded — that wasn't a wartime squadron.
I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become president."
As it turns out, he was actually criticizing McCain. Initially, everyone who heard this probably thought that perhaps Clark got the two candidates confused. Apparently this was not the case.
While his criticism of McCain is clearly one of the dumbest things ever spoken in the English Language, the ironic part is his unwavering support for Barack Obama. This is ridiculous to the point of being disgusting. I vomited just a little bit when I read it myself.
There are just a few people in this country with more experience and more qualified to be President than Obama. These would include almost any Senator, Congressman, Governor, Mayor, Dog Catcher, or my Mom. Oh yeah, my Bassett Hound as well. This reminds me of a question posed my Neil Boortz on his website: Please name a major presidential candidate in the history of the U.S. that had less experience than Barack Obama. I have yet to see a satisfactory answer to that one.
Attacking McCain on the basis of his military experience. While it is early in the week, I think Wesley Clark has pretty much locked in the following award.
Dumbest Quote of the Week
Birmingham Climatologist Accurately Predicts the Future
Here is something odd. A Birmingham Alabama newspaper posted an article yesterday, but the link now goes nowhere. Above is a screenshot from the google cache.
A short time after it was posted, the article was pulled and has not reappeared, either because it tipped us off to the climatologist's amazing psychic abilities, or because it states the obvious. I am guessing the latter.
Want to be a weatherman? Flip a coin.
Calling heads or tails will give you as good a shot as a meteorologist at predicting whether this summer will be a wet one or a dry one, Alabama's state climatologist said Thursday.
Forecasts indicate it's equally likely that rainfall will exceed normal levels or fall below, said climatologist John Christy.
Wow; there's a brain buster for you. Next year's rain might be more or less than normal. Got any more pearls of wisdom there, John? Do you have to go to school very long to be a climatologist?
It reminds me of the media raising the alarm on things that are ... well ... ordinary. I guess bad news sells more newspapers than good. How about running a story "Nearly half of all children now functioning below average." Or better, "Bad times ahead for some, better for others."
A few more predictions like this and you might be right up there with Nostradamus.
Flint Police on the lookout for Saggy Pants
The Chief of Police of Flint, Michigan has released a memo stating the following:
Due to a significant number of complaints from citizens regarding youths and adults "sagging" wearing pants and/or shorts below their waist and indecently exposing their buttocks, it is necessary that we enforce the law concerning disorderly person(s), only when sworn officers observe this misdemeanor.
This immoral "self expression" goes beyond free speech; it rises to the crime of indecent exposure/disorderly persons.
Therefore, any sworn officer who observes a person or persons committing indecent exposure (sagging/exposing buttocks) within the City of Flint jurisdiction has probable cause to effect a misdemeanor arrest for the following ordinance violation. Ordinance #3192 Section 31-12 (o) Disorderly Person may be written as a means to enforce the law.
David R. Dicks Chief of Police
Now, the Flint Police have done an amazing job reducing crime in Flint. It may have something to do with the fact that most of the population has fled the state or have been killed off, but I digress. It had been known as one of the worst cities in the Nation for violent crime. Here are some statistics from 2006.
Violent crime has fallen quite a bit in the last 2 years, but it is still quite bad. Now, attention is going to be focused on an annoying but pretty superficial aspect of Flint culture.
First, a bit of history. The trend of wearing 'saggy pants' as they are called here began in the jails where the inmates are not given belts to wear (it provides them a means of escape .... from life). The 'inmate look' is then imitated by future jailbird wanna-be's and a fashion revolution is thus started.
The Chief has two problems with his memo. First, he calls the look immoral "self expression." By making this moral judgment, he is opening himself up to criticism on his objectivity to enforce existing laws. He will receive the attention of groups like the ACLU, who seem to find Constitutional 'rights' for anything under the sun (except gun ownership, of course). Second, this pronouncement trivializes all the progress that has been made to reduce crime in Flint. ABC news reports this year that murder rates dropped 71% and assault rates dropped 48%.
I know it would be hard for the Chief to say "if they look like little hoodlums, find a reason to check them out," but this memo probably won't bring the Flint Police the attention they wanted.
Darwin Award Nominee Narrowly Escapes With His Life
Sharp as a Marble - Part 2
This is Kasey Edwards. He had a small mishap while swimming near lake Okeechobee at 2am the other night. You can see from the picture that he is missing a small item, namely his entire left arm. Here are a few quotes from the Orlando news story that might give you a hint where his arm might be:
He decided to swim across a deep canal at about 2 o'clock in the morning. (Ok, this might be reasonable.)
Edwards says no drugs were involved, but admits he was drinking earlier. However, it played no role in his decision to jump in the water. (Alcohol related to making bad decisions? Nah.)
Edwards admits he knew it was infested with gators because his cousin is a gator trapper. (What? Oh, now I see the reason for the drug and alcohol question.)
He escaped the 11-foot Alligator by gouging his eye. (Do you think he might get in trouble for injuring a protected species?)
Here is the bast part. He compares his incident to the risks drivers take on highways. Huh? Then, he blames the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not properly controlling the alligator population.
This is from his interview:
I'm not saying it's completely the gators fault. I should have equated the situation a little more. I didn't, you know?
Ya think?
Unfortunately, since he did survive to reproduce, he has forfeited his Darwin Award nomination. Too bad, he might have had a shot there.
Maybe next time Kasey!
More Global Warming Hype
For some reason, the left is going nuts about headlines like these:
They claim that the Global Warming Prophets are being mis-characterized and misquoted. No, no, NO, they say. We aren't saying that Global Warming is killing people today, that would be alarmist and too easy to disprove; we are just saying ... um ... we are all going to die ... um ... really, really soon.
Well, judge for yourself. Here is the transcript of Al Gore's comments this May about the Cyclone Nargis (emphasis mine).
"It’s also important to note that the emerging consensus among the climate scientists is even though any individual storm can’t be linked singularly to global warming — we’ve always had hurricanes — nevertheless, the trend toward more Category 5 storms, the larger ones, the trend toward stronger and more destructive storms appears to be linked to global warming. And specifically to the impact of global warming on higher ocean temperatures in the top couple hundred feet of the ocean, which drives convection, energy and moisture into these storms and makes them more powerful.
And as we’re talking today, Terry, the death count in Myanmar from the cyclone that hit there yesterday has been rising from 15,000 to way on up there to much higher numbers now being speculated.
And last year a catastrophic storm, last fall, hit Bangladesh. The year before, the strongest cyclone in more than 50 years hit China.
And we’re seeing consequences that scientists have long predicted might be associated with continued global warming. The entire north polar ice cap, normally the size the lower 48 states, give or take an Arizona, is melting before our eyes. 40 percent melted in the last twenty years. And in the summer months, it could be completely gone, in one scientific estimate, in as little as five years."
Whew! I'm glad he isn't trying to panic anyone. I'm sorry, how much did you make last year from your investments in 'green' companies?
This is from the article in question from the Center for American Progress (emphasis mine).
"The evidence for the consequences of global warming is appearing with alarming frequency. This morning’s headlines are filled with tales of deadly weather: “At least four people were killed and about 40 injured when a tornado tore through a Boy Scout camp in western Iowa on Wednesday night”; “two people are dead in northern Kansas after tornadoes cut a diagonal path across the state”; “[t]wo Maryland men with heart conditions died this week” from the East Coast heat wave."
The Center for American Progress. Doesn't that just sound so nice and ... progressive? Almost daily, their website portrays Bush as an idiot at best and a demon at worst. They criticize HIM for generating paranoia. It also happens to be run by the former chief of staff for Bill Clinton. Surprise!
Notice that in each quote, there is care not to directly blame the weather patterns on Global Warming/Climate Change, but there is a strong association and certainly the relationship is implied.
Yet, both Al Gore and the Center for America Progress emphatically deny trying to blame Global Warming for current weather trends. What? Am I missing something? If I say Global Warming is causing extreme weather, and in the next sentence say the extreme weather is responsible for deaths, is that not the same thing as saying Global Warming is killing people?
Now as expected, they are doing the same thing with the recent floods in the Midwest. The Janesville Gazette of Janesville Wisconsin:
"Climate experts are saying more intense weather is part of global climate change, although it would be difficult to pin any one event on global warming. However, it’s prudent to plan for more intense weather such as this, Potter said."
Difficult to pin any one event on global warming? You just happened to say that in an article about the Midwest floods. I'm just saying.
How about in the Detroit Free Press:
"If we look over the past 100 years, it is not normal to get so many large amounts of rain like those we've seen in such a short period of time. At a flood policy forum last fall in Washington, officials warned that climate change, dramatic population increases and the destruction of natural ecological protections, such as wetlands, would add to the existing strain on aging infrastructure."
They don't want to be labeled alarmists, but they can deny it all they want; there is definitely an effort by the Global Warming Prophets and the press to spread the hysteria. And we know we can count on the press to warn us of imminent, impending disaster, like they did with the Killer Bees and Y2K. Yes sir, the end is coming. Any second now.
Clothing Tag
Welcome letter for Matthis Chiroux, the U.S. Army Reservist who refuses to go to Iraq
Dear Former Sgt Chiroux,
Let me be the first to welcome you to sunny Fort Leavenworth, Kansas where you will be staying with us for the next few years. We are so glad you chose our facility for your stay, as we are the number one destination for objectors like yourself who refuse direct orders to deploy.
I would like to point out some of the amenities here at Fort Leavenworth. Our prison was built with the latest in 19th Century accommodations, where the motto was "we sacrifice comfort for style." While our inmate population is currently at 142% capacity, we will have no trouble making room for such a celebrity as yourself.
I highly recommend joining one of our many social groups. Currently we have representatives from the Crips, the Bloods, and the Texas Syndicate as well as numerous other organizations. I am sure someone with your political leanings can find a group where you will fit right in.
Thanks again for choosing Fort Leavenworth. We are all very anxious to see you very soon.
Regards, Warden Benjamin Dover Federal Bureau of Prisons
Mathematical Proof of Women
What if ..... you had Telekinetic Abilities
What would you do if you could move small objects with your mind? Say you could move a small object such as a coin or a ball with only your thoughts. What if you did not want to become a side-show freak, but instead wanted to keep your 'secret' while still making a good living?
If only there was something you could do with your superhuman power, yet not look too superhuman. Something to make some really good money, but not make people too suspicious. Hmmmmm. What could you do?
If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.
When is it OK to mess with old people?
A nursing home in Düsseldorf, Germany was having a problem with their Alzheimer's patients wandering off. They would get out of the nursing home and try to return to homes or families that they remembered but no longer existed. The facility came up with a novel solution; they had a bus stop constructed outside of the nursing home, complete with a bench and the familiar bus sign. The only difference between this bus stop and others around the city is that no busses actually came to this bus stop.
Since nearly everyone in Germany uses public transportation, the patients recognized the familiar sign and would sit to wait for the bus. When a patient was spotted at the bus stop, a staff member would approach them and invite them inside for coffee while they wait for the 'bus.' After a while, the patient forgot that they wanted to go anywhere in the first place.
Since few people in the U.S. are accustomed to using public transportation, the 'fake bus stop' might not work here. Instead, here are a few suggestions for signs to place outside of a nursing home to attract any errant escapees.
Sharp as a Marble - Part 1
There is no cure for stupid, but you can find many of those afflicted sitting in the hospital or in jail because of their actions. Here is a story about Michelle Ryans of Buncombe County, North Carolina who tried to alter a lottery ticket to show that she won $1 million dollars. As you might imagine, she was arrested when she tried to collect her 'winnings'.
Let's look at the thought process that her brain cell might have gone through to commit this act. Here is this 39 year old who probably bought lottery tickets all her adult life hoping for the big score. Once again, she failed to match three like amounts to win any money. She is looking at this losing pile of tickets and thinking:
Hey, I can cut apart a few losing tickets and paste them together to make a winner. I am going to go for a big prize, like the $1 million dollar jackpot. I can't believe no one has thought of this before. This is going to be so easy!
To her amazement, the lottery commission had anticipated such a ruse. Perhaps she might have marveled at the pretty bar codes on the back of each and every lottery ticket. Perhaps these may have served a purpose other than for decoration. Perhaps they might be on to such a scheme in about a second.
On a completely different note, here is a link where you can buy fake scratch-off lottery tickets. Each ticket is a 'winner' of $10,000 or $20,000. Be careful who you might give these to; some people might not share your sense of humor.
The Happening - A Review
What is 'happening'? I'll tell you. Basically what is happening is writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has run out of good ideas after The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, and you are watching the resulting train wreck. This latest attempt in a dismal series of his failures starts out pretty scary with some people killing themselves and others just standing around motionless getting really confused. If you saw the trailer, then you are up to speed. Everyone still 'normal' heads for the hills. Some more uninteresting stuff happens, and then things get really slow. This was the part left out of the trailer. A few more people die, and it becomes apparent that the 'happening' is a toxin that is activated by large gatherings of people.
Here is where the social commentary comes in. The greenies have always believed that humans are a parasite on the planet. Well this movie is just a vehicle to send that message. There is no explanation or resolution; the 'toxin' just goes away. The blame is placed on the earth rejecting humans as pests. Thats it. Oh yeah, and the movie ends with the same thing happening in Paris. Ooooooo. Scary.
If I wanted to see a fantasy movie that made me feel guilty, I would have rented Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth. I suppose Hollywood is no different than Washington, in that it is filled with people who have such special insight, that they obviously know what is better for the Earth than us mere mortals. Does anyone else get the impression that the environmental movement is really an anti-human movement?
Oh, and in case you want to see the movie, you might not want to read this as it might contain spoilers.
Thwarting The Hypermiler
I am convinced that high gas prices have caused people to lose their minds. People are doing nutty things to save money. I read an article about an 'amazing' guy that rode a bike to work taking 2 hours each way. He saved a whopping $400 a month on gas. Woo Hoo! That 80 hours a month spent saving $400 bucks comes to $5 an hour. Makes good financial sense if you are the fry guy at McDonald's.
For the thrifty who have an aversion to exercise yet plenty of time, there is hypermiling. It is the latest driving craze; a method of driving your car to maximize your gas-mileage and save a few bucks. Unfortunately, it causes everyone else on the road a bunch of headaches, so the 'hypermiler' saves a few pennies at everyone else's expense. They drive like they are in no hurry, and get in the way of those of us who actually need to be somewhere doing something productive.
There have been a ton of articles written on how to reduce fuel consumption by hypermiling. This article is the first that I know of on how the thwart the hypermiler. I will give you a few clues on how to recognize the hypermiler by briefly outlining their tactics, and suggest some fun and exciting ways to make him use more gas than a Hummer doing donuts with the A/C on.
The hallmark of the hypermiler is taking it very slowly when trying to accelerate; after all, that pedal under their right foot is attached directly to the piggy bank. To minimize the need for acceleration, the hypermiler will do anything they can to avoid stopping, since acceleration from a dead stop is the work of the devil. They will creep up on a red light from hundreds of yards away hoping to time it just right and coast through when green.
You might think that everyone on the road who was able to vote during the Garfield administration would look like a hypermiler. As usual, you would be wrong. The hypermiler will utilize downhill runs to accelerate, taking advantage of all that free gravity. They build up momentum to be used on the next hill, letting the car speed up on the way down and hauling ass. Sometimes they will turn off the engine when going down a hill or slowing down at a light. (Ever wonder where the "power" in 'power brakes' and 'power steering' comes from? Apparently, they don't either.)
The 'extreme hypermiler' will also use the dreaded tactic of drafting off of a big rig, just like their heroes on Nascar. You can spot the hypermiler driving fifty feet behind a huge truck with a big, stupid grin on his face. Every article on the subject says not to do this, but goes on to say if you do then you can save an extra 20% or more on fuel economy. As long as they are not endorsing something dangerous they could be liable for, right? (Editors note: don't try any of the stuff you read here either.)
So if you spot one of these penny pinchers, here is where the fun can begin. Assuming you don't have anywhere important to go (like work, or school, or somewhere productive), gently move right in from of them. This is when you can engage in the tactic I call, ... um .... , hyper-fuel-consumption. Remember, our goal is to make the hypermiler kiss those precious gas dollars goodbye.
After positioning yourself in front of the hypermiler, just do the opposite of their fuel-saving tactics. Come to a complete stop at red lights. Sit for a spell. Adjust your mirrors. Sing along with the radio. Just kill some time. When coming to a downhill slope, just ease off the gas and 'test' your brakes once in a while. Nothing drastic, mind you; just something to keep from building up all that dangerous speed.
If you see someone tailgating a big-rig, think of yourself as removing a parasite. Gently insert your car between the truck and the leech, and ease off the gas. Be careful when you do this because the hypermiler could get aggressive trying to protect his new-found source of free food.
Try not to anger the hypermiler too much. They are trying to save a few cents when they drive, so you might expect them to have cut a few corners elsewhere as well. Their car is probably not from the current millennium, and might be a bit, shall we say 'cosmetically impaired.' You probably have a lot more to lose than they do if there should be a friendly tap on your bumper.
Happy driving everyone!
Cindy Sheehan's Campaign Continues As Expected
Cindy Sheehan, anti-war lunatic and self-proclaimed 'peace mom,' held a huge rally today as she continued her run for Nancy Peloci's spot in Congress. Her supporter encouraged her to continue her effort to degrade the memory of her son.
We're sorry; your fifteen minutes of fame have expired. Please try to be relevant again later.
$45 Million to Fund New Disneyland Train Study
The U.S. government has decided that your tax dollars would be better spent rushing tourists on a 300 mph levitating train from Disneyland to Las Vegas. The new transportation bill just signed into law has set aside $45 million dollars to begin the project. The expenditure will cover only the environmental study of the route. The actual project will cost many, many times this amount.
The proposed route runs along Interstate 15 where millions of travelers drive each year. The train will help ease the congestion as it is expected to carry a fraction of one percent of the current load.
A cheaper alternative diesel-electric train had been planned, but that would not be as much 'fun'. A similar Amtrak route was stopped in 1997 due to low ridership, but I am sure this one will be much more popular.
A Comprehensive List of Foods to Avoid
MSN has been kind enough to warn us about dangerous food additivesto avoid. The list is included below.
1. Sodium Nitrate 2. BHA and BHT 3. Propyl Gallate 4. Monosodium Glutamate 5. Trans Fats 6. Aspartame 7. Acesulfame-K 8. Food Colorings: Blue 1, 2; Red 3; Green 3; Yellow 6 9. Olestra 10. Potassium Bromate 11. White Sugar 12. Sodium Chloride
There are a few problems with the items on the list:
At least some of the ingredients are in just about everything.
There are some things on the list that are meant to replace worse stuff on the list, like Aspartame and Acesulfame-K to replace sugar, and Olestra to replace trans fats. How can we avoid them all?
Some of these are necessary to preserve the food for more than a few days.
They included a few things that seem to make food a bit, shall we say, palatable; like salt and sugar.
Going through the ingredients list and trying to figure out if there is some dangerous toxin in your food is far too complicated. To simplify your life, I have prepared a list of things to avoid that won't require any scrutiny of the ingredients.
Please avoid the following:
1. Anything that tastes, smells or looks good. 2. Anything that is ready-to-eat or takes less than 2 hours to prepare. 3. Anything that lasts more than 2 hours from when you freshly obtained it.
Anyway, I hope this helps; and happy eating!
Ahmadinejad Was Just Kidding Around
That wacky Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had another slip of the tongue today:
I must announce that the Zionist regime, with a 60-year record of genocide, plunder, invasion and betrayal is about to die and will soon be erased from the geographical scene. Today, the time for the fall of the satanic power of the United States has come and the countdown to the annihilation of the emperor of power and wealth has started.
The leader of a nation bent on acquiring nuclear weapons had more to say:
With the appearance of the promised saviour... and his companions such as Jesus Christ, tyranny will be soon be eradicated in the world.
The Iranian news service says the comments were totally in jest, and taken out of context, and were also probably mis-translated. Oh yeah, he was talking about something else completely too. They deny that he was again threatening Israel, but was instead referring to "another, completely different 60 year-old Zionist regime, like the one in the Matrix."
They addressed concerns of the west, saying the reference of the U.S. being a 'satanic power' and the 'annihilation of the emperor' as ".... um .... a metaphor for .... uh ..... maybe the evils of Hollywood, or perhaps global warming or something. Hey, he mentioned Jesus; that's good, right?"
Obama's Halo Photographed Again
In December of last year, Mike Huckabee put out a political commercial wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. In the background, there was a bookshelf that had a white border in the shape of a plus sign. The left went crazy. The liberals screamed that this was in fact a 'cross' and labeled Huckabee a religious zealot. The girlz on 'The View' were literally foaming at the mouth.
One liberal blogger said the following:
"This not-so-subliminal image of the cross was very deliberate. This guy is like McCarthy, Hitler & George Wallace trying to pass himself off like a boyscout leader.... This guy could actually end up being worse the GW Bush...."
Another posted this:
"Hypocritical denier of the OBVIOUS. Huckabee is the epitomy (sic) of BLATANT untrustworthiness with his denial of even noticing this utterly contrived cross. How can he be trusted to run a government?"
On May 31, Reuters posted this photograph:
It is remarkably similar to this Feb 21 photo:
Or this cover of Time from March 19:
It is of course a terrible travesty when religion and politics mix. I will be happy to post an update of any examples of 'liberal outrage' at this blatantly religious image. Yes sir, waiting for that outrage..... Any second now.....
UPDATE
I missed this Rolling Stone Cover. I am sure the airbrush artist just got a little carried away.
Or this AP photo:
Top Ten Questions Not To Ask In A Job Interview
10. What's your company's policy on severance pay?
9. How long does it take your company's bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?
8. Do you have a random drug testing policy?
7. Does your company's life insurance cover suicide?
6. How in depth are your criminal background checks?
5. Does your company's insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?
4. How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here?
3. Does your insurance cover sex-change operations?
2. Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites?
1. How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?
MoveOn Demonstrates the Art of Playing It Both Ways
With the skill and agility of a French Arms Dealer, MoveOn.org is getting to have their cake and eat it too as they protest McLellan profiting from his book on the Bush Administration. In a press release, the website states "McClellan shouldn't profit off the role he played in our nation's largest foreign policy blunder." For his efforts, McClellan was advanced 30 pieces of silver and is expected to reap much more in the coming months.
There has been quite a political backlash against McClellan for his tell-all book. Democrats have benefited from his newfound revelations, but are trying to distance themselves from the author. Moveon has set the standard in the following paragraph:
"After spending years defending the Bush administration and perpetuating the lies that led our country into war, Scott McClellan is poised to make bank — his tell-all book is a bestseller and he may make hundreds of thousands or millions,” MoveOn says. "Meanwhile, our troops are still dying in Iraq.”
Wow. They get a free shot at Bush while taking the 'high road' condemning McClellan. Bra-VO move on. Nicely played. McClellan meanwhile is looking for some new friends.
Clintonites Continue Threats to Vote McCain
In an effort to pressure the DNC to change the rules halfway though the contest, numerous Clinton supporters turned up at a rally during a meeting to decide the fate of the unseated delegates from Florida and Michigan. The Washington Times reports here that many of the protesters are threatening to vote for McCain if the DNC does not seat all of the delegates that voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary. Almost no one expects the Democrats to actually implement the rules that everyone agreed on previously; that would just be preposterous.
The States lost their delegates when they held their primary before February 5 per party rules. If this was in an effort to be relevant, then they got their wish. Whatever the outcome, Hillary will not have enough delegates to overcome Obama. The pointless nature of their struggle has not dampened the spirits of the protesters.
As chants of "count our vote" filled the air, one Clinton supporter said "It would be the first time in my life I would vote Republican for president," as he threatened to vote for McCain over Obama. The supporter then narrowly avoided the expected bolt of lightning from the sky. The Clinton supporter pictured above did not seem to be 'typical' of the McCain crowd.
Hmmmmm. The Hillary supporters who share a common political goal are threatening to harm (by voting for McCain) and inflict terror on the Obama campaign. I wonder what someone would call such a tactic?
Planet Slayer - The Fun New Global Warming Game For Kids
Hey kids! Would you like to play a fun game to find out what kind of Global Warming Pig you are? How about being told you are 'evil' for keeping warm with a wood stove? If this sounds like fun to you, then check out the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's new science website. Here, our totally unbiased news organization lets you determine how much damage you are doing to the earth just by living your life. Here's a few fun screenshots to enjoy.
Try out our Greenhouse Calculator where you can enter stuff about your life such as how many miles you drive or how much meat you eat, and compare yourself to the 'Average Aussie Pig'. See your 'pig' explode when you have used your lifetime's share of resources, and find out how old you should be when you die. Look at all the blood; what fun! I was supposed to die at age 1. Sorry mum.
How about a fun quiz called 'Your Lifestyle', where you can answer things like if you use organic fruit or how you heat your house. Nothing will build the old self-esteem like being called 'evil one' and told 'you suck'!
Do you buy any clothes from China? If so, you are supporting child labor, or at least Greena says so.
Come play the game Planet Slayer. You can choose to save the Earth playing the character 'Greena', complete with her peace symbol and nose ring, or you can destroy the planet with the character 'X-On', carrying her poodle, sunglasses, and handbag. (X-On; that name rings a bell.)
Thanks for visiting the Australian Broadcasting Corporation where our motto is, "You say brainwashing like it's a bad thing." Bye kids!
Official Geraldine Ferraro Translation Page
Geraldine Ferraro gave an interview to the UK telegraph recently. She is a staunch supporter of Hillary Clinton, and worked for her campaign until she made a remark about Obama only getting as far as he did because he was black. Oops.
In the new interview, she made some amazing statements and some outright threats directly to the Superdelegates and the Obama campaign. For those of you who are not politically savvy, I will translate the relevant portions of the article, so you might more clearly understand exactly what she is trying to say.
Article Headline: Obama has lost women 'with sexist campaign'
Translation: Obama dared to run against a woman who deserved the nomination.
Article: Miss Ferraro, the losing Democratic candidate for vice-president in 1984, said that she might abandon her lifelong party loyalties and vote for the Republican John McCain if Mr Obama is confirmed as the nominee.
Translation: Hey superdelegates, you had better nominate Hillary or I might leave the party and vote for the (choke) Republican. (Believability factor : negative 2000)
Article: Some other partisan female Clinton supporters have already insisted that they will either vote for Mr McCain or write the former First Lady's name on the ballot in November, in retaliation for her allegedly sexist treatment by the media and fellow Democrats.
Translation: We are going to take our toys and go home if we don't get to win, because the woman is supposed to win.
Article: "I've been flooded with calls from women saying they'll vote for McCain rather than Obama," said Miss Ferraro, 72, a New York lawyer who has made a number of controversial comments during the campaign. "I think this is a problem for Obama."
Translation: Hillary had better get the nomination or at least be the vice-president or we are leaving in droves. Flooded with calls, I say.
Article: As the controversy grew, Mrs Clinton also claimed for the first time last week that she had encountered "sexist" treatment during the campaign, and her husband spoke of "gender bias". Mrs Clinton blamed the media rather than the Obama campaign, saying: "It's been deeply offensive to millions of women."
Translation: Now that we have made our complaints and threats, we need to make nice with Obama. It wasn't all just you. Can she be VP now?
Article: She goes much further than most in singling out Mr Obama for blame, listing examples which she believes back up her claim that he was "terribly sexist"
Translation: But we haven't let you off the hook yet, Obama. You need us. Include Hillary or you will pay at the polls.
Ferraro voting for McCain is about as likely as Michelle Obama voting for him. If Ferraro thinks Obama is going to buy any of this, she is a crazy as her idol Hillary. The Democrats who voted for Hillary would vote for Mickey Mouse if he had a (D) next to his name. (Actually Michael Moore said he would do exactly that!) The Hillary Democrats aren't going anywhere. Obama doesn't need Hillary or her supposed support, they will come along anyway. His only chance is for the dense electorate and the new voters to buy his 'Hope and Change' line. Hillary sure isn't going to help with that image.
Celebrate Father's Day the Democrat Way
Here's something to think about. If you have ever been to the ultra-liberal website DemocraticUnderground.com, you will notice that it is filled with tons of angry, hate filled articles vilifying the Bush administration and all things Conservative. They also like ads. Lots and lots of ads, for everything from carbon credits to peace symbols.
Sometimes I drop by there just to see what they might be up to, and frankly to get a good belly laugh. I've just noticed a new ad running under their video feed (above). Here is the full screenshot. Isn't that nice? Let's give dad a 'No God' sticker or an anti-creationist placard. Nothing says Happy Father's Day like a good dose of atheism. Nothing those Democrats like more than God and religion. Just ask Rev. Wright.
Happy Father's Day dad. See you in hell.
Mis-inspirational Posters
Everyone who works at a company with more than a few employees has seen them. The posters with some sort of 'inspirational' message and a pretty picture. You know the ones; with sayings about teamwork or integrity or some such nonsense. These are usually purchased by some human resources director who needs to justify why they are making 3 times as much as you do. Well, here is a website that has a few of these posters, with a twist. They call them mis-inspirational posters. Read on.....
Obama Picks Up Another Endorsement
Democratic Presidential Nominee Barack Obama picked up another endorsement today, this time from Cuba's former Communist leader Fidel Castro. Mr. Castro acknowledged that his endorsement might help Obama's opponents:
"I have no personal rancor toward Obama, but if I defended him I would do a huge favor for his adversaries."
Castro did throw in a token criticism of Obama for his support of the continued embargo, yet he could not contain his enthusiasm about the prospective President Obama:
"(Obama) without doubt is, from the social and human point, the most advanced candidate."
After having received the endorsements of several terrorist organizations and Communist leaders, Obama issued this statement to his supporters.
"Stop. Stop. Please, for the love of God stop the endorsements already. It's not helping, all right. Cut it out. Geez."
Media Consensus : Earth is Doomed
As I look through newspaper and magazine archives, I am becoming very concerned that the world is coming to an end very soon. It looks like the climate of the planet is going to kill us all.
The media is quite certain that the end is near, and I know they would not insult my intelligence with unfounded hype. I am having trouble discerning how that end will come. Please look at the following quotes (in chronological order) and help me determine the expected course of the planet's climate.
“Geologists Think the World May be Frozen Up Again.” February 24, 1895 New York Times.
"Prominent Professor Warns Us of an Encroaching Ice Age.” October 7, 1912 New York Times
“Human race will have to fight for its existence against cold.” October 7, 1912 Los Angeles Times
“Ice Age Coming Here.” August 10, 1923 Washington Post
“Scientist Says Arctic Ice Will Wipe Out Canada.” August 9, 1923 Chicago Tribune
“America in Longest Warm Spell Since 1776; Temperature Line Records a 25-year Rise” March 27, 1933 New York Times
“[Those] who claim that winters were harder when they were boys are quite right… weathermen have no doubt that the world at least for the time being is growing warmer.” January 2, 1939 Time Magazine
"Receding permafrost in Russia proof that the planet is warming" 1951 Time Magazine
"Melting Glaciers the trump card of Global Warming" 1952 New York Times
“There are ominous signs that the Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production– with serious political implications for just about every nation on Earth.” 1974 Newsweek magazine
“As they review the bizarre and unpredictable weather pattern of the past several years, a growing number of scientists are beginning to suspect that many seemingly contradictory meteorological fluctuations are actually part of a global climatic upheaval.” 1974 Time Magazine
“Climate Changes Endanger World’s Food Output.” 1974 New York Times
“The facts of the present climate change (Global Cooling) are such that the most optimistic experts would assign near certainty to major crop failure in a decade.” “Mass deaths by starvation and probably in anarchy and violence” December 29, 1974 New York Times
“A major cooling widely considered to be inevitable.” 1975 New York Times
Evidently we are all going to die any minute now. Please help me figure out if I need to stock up on sunscreen or snow boots. I want to delay the inevitable as long as possible.
Adapted from Hot and Cold Media Spin Cycle : A Challenge to Journalists Who Cover Global Warming by Senator James Inhofe
Reporters Pick Through McCain's Medical Records
Several reporters (pictured above) spent a few hours combing John McCain's medical records the other day. They complained that they only had a limited amount of time to view the records, and that they were not able to make copies or transmit the data. They were able to take notes and eat as much as they wanted. They later complained that the records were 'incomplete'. I wonder if anyone asked the 'reporters' these questions.
What were you looking for, and did you really expect to find it in a pile of records that were specifically released by his campaign?
Do you think you would ever be satisfied with the 'completeness' of the medical records, no matter what was released?
Would any of you allow some random journalists to poke through your personal, private medical records?
Would any medical record, no matter what it says dissuade you journalists from speculating about McCain's health?
Do you honestly believe that anything you say about McCain's health will influence a voter enough to switch their vote?
Just asking
The Sign Says It All
25 Things Guys Wish Women Knew
Crying is blackmail. It should be invoked only in an extreme emergency.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Do not underestimate our stupidity when it comes to this.
Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Get rid of your cat.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. We have changed our mind at least 2 or 3 times since then.
Anything you wear is fine. Really. We don't care.
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
You have too many shoes.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. You don't want to know the truth anyway.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Reminding us a few times the week before wouldn't hurt either.
Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
Sunday = Sports
If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
You have enough clothes.
Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
Hat tip to Poddys.com
Danger - Epidemic of Truth Taking Its Toll - Maxine Waters Now Infected
It seems the Democrats have been infected with some kind of truth bug. First, Hillary all but says she continues to campaign because something might happen to Obama. Now, uber-liberal Congresswoman Maxine Waters let it slip that she would like to socialize the oil industry. I think she meant nationalize, but either way that's really not what we need right now. I'm sorry, the government does what well? This is a quote from one of my previous posts.
Do you really want the same government that brought you the compassion of the Internal Revenue Service, the expediency of the Department of Motor Vehicles, and the thrift of the Department of Defense to handle anything else? How about the solvency of Social Security, or the unbridled success of the Department of Education? Can anyone name one thing the government can do better than the private sector? (Except perhaps the military; they kick ass.)
So now they want the oil industry. It's a brilliant ploy really. They make it impossible to drill for oil or build a refinery. Then, when the price goes up because of supply and demand, they vilify the industry and threaten to take it over. Bra-VO!
Here is the 'brilliant' Senator Chuck Schumer demonstrating his deep understanding of supply and demand. On May 13, he said the following:
If Saudi Arabia were to increase its production by 1 million barrels per day that translates to a reduction of 20 percent to 25 percent in the world price of crude oil, and crude oil prices could fall by more than $25 dollar per barrel from its current level of $126 per barrel. In turn, that would lower the price of gasoline between 13 percent and 17 percent, or by more than 62 cents off the expected summer regular-grade price - offering much needed relief to struggling families.
But, when the same million barrels a day were to come from the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, he said this on May 7th:
The Administration was strangling any attempts to make serious investments at alternative energy over the last seven years and that drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge would take ten years and reduce the price of oil by a penny.
So, evidently supply decreases the price only if the oil comes from another country. I see. Either I missed a week in my economics class, or Schumer is the dumbest Senator alive.
I would like to say it might be me, but ........ here's your award Senator.
Chuck Schumer Stupidest Senator Alive
$10,000 Offered to Electro-Sensitive People
A New Mexico news channel reports that a Santa Fe group is demanding the City remove Wi-Fi from public buildings. They claim that they are sensitive to the wireless signals that are emitted from wireless and cell phone signals. They also claim that these signals cause medical problems, and they are being discriminated against as defined by the Americans with Disabilities Act.
One of the whiners is quoted below:
Arthur Firstenberg says he is highly sensitive to certain types of electric fields, including wireless Internet and cell phones. "I get chest pain and it doesn't go away right away," he said. Firstenberg and dozens of other electro-sensitive people in Santa Fe claim that putting up Wi-Fi in public places is a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Well Arthur, I would like to call your little bluff. I am offering to conduct a very simple double-blind placebo-controlled test to determine if you can in fact detect electromagnetic signals like the ones you describe. I will offer you $10,000 cash if you can demonstrate your 'ability'.
It would be a simple test really. You just would have to tell me if an electronic device that you claim causes you such terrible distress is transmitting a signal or not. Neither you nor the examiner would know if the device is transmitting. I am pretty sure that you would not pass the test. If you do, you would be the first person able to do so in medical literature.
I am sure many of you are thinking that Arthur is a crackpot, but he is not alone. This is a really trendy thing in Europe. Sweden has their own Association of the Electro-Sensitive, and there are 30 support groups around the world. The UK is spending tons of money on research into the health effects of cell phones. One British researcher said cell phones are more dangerous than smoking.
Well, I'd better stop typing now. This computer is probably giving me eyeball cancer or something.
Effects of Man's Greed Spreading - Jupiter at Risk
Dear fellow inhabitants of Mother Gaia,
A few weeks ago, I wrote this letter to help you convince your fellow brothers and sisters on the critical nature of our holy mission to spread the word about global warming climate change. The level of urgency has just risen exponentially. I have just been informed in this article that NASA has found evidence of warming on the planet Jupiter. As you can see from the image above, more red storms are forming on Jupiter, clear evidence of large scale climate change.
I don't have to tell you how much this sickens me. I mentioned in my last letter that the pristine ice sheets on Mars were being destroyed by greenhouse gases from polluting humans. Mankind's greed has reached across the cosmos once again and is destroying a third planet! Our efforts must be redoubled to stop the use of all fossil fuels on our once beautiful blue orb. Please rally the troops.
Warmest Wishes
Green tip of the day: Hold you breath as often as possible to reduce your own CO2 output!
Clinton Lets Slip Her 'Final Solution'
In an earlier post, I graphed an 'insanity scale' where Hillary Clinton was somewhere between eccentric and unbalanced. She has now moved further along the scale. On Friday, Clinton made a remark that one reason she is staying in the race until June was because "we all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."
Wow. What do you suppose the media response would be if McCain made a similar remark? But I digress.....
There has been speculation as to why Clinton is still in a race that she has already lost.
1. She is pushing for the VP slot. 2. She is looking to damage Obama so he will lose and open the field for her to run in 2012. 3. She thinks she can actually still win.
The first choice would certainly hurt Obama's campaign of 'change', and might be considered a wee bit self serving. You can read some of the reasons not to choose her as a running mate here. The second option is probably the most likely one, which will play out in its own time.
The third option leaves us thinking either Clinton is delusional, or she thinks something will happen to Obama and give her the nomination. Her campaign said that she was mentioning "historical examples of the nominating process going well into the summer." Yeah. A historical example where the presidential candidate was murdered. Better hope nothing bad happens between now and November; the conspiracy theorists would have a field day with that one.
For the time being, it might be best for Clinton to stop referencing national tragedies when talking about her campaign. I think people are starting to see the irony.
This is a real error message from the Microsoft website. You can view it here. I think it proves that Bill gates has a sense of humor. Of course, some would argue that the whole 'Microsoft Help and Support' concept demonstrates that just as well.
The Road To Tyranny Is Taken With Small Steps
A San Francisco group, the Bay Area Air Quality Management District, has decided that it will tax those who contribute to global warming. NBC reports here that the board of directors is going to levy a tax against those businesses who emit carbon dioxide and other 'greenhouse gases'. The money will ostensibly be used to "help pay for programs to measure the region's emissions and develop ways to reduce them." The District believes it has the authority to levy the tax because global warming increases surface temperatures, thus reducing air quality.
The proponents admit the following:
More than 2,500 businesses will be required to pay the proposed fees. About seven power plants and oil refineries will have to pay more than $50,000 a year, but the majority of businesses will pay less than $1, according to district estimates.
The new tax will generate a paltry 1.1 million dollars the first year. They claim hardly anyone would be affected, so what would be the point then in proposing the tax in the first place?
The modest fee -- 4.4 cents per ton of carbon dioxide -- probably won't be enough to force companies to reduce their emissions, but backers say it sets an important precedent in combating climate change and could serve as a model for regional air districts nationwide.
Does anyone not see what is going on here? The District will collect the 'modest fee' for a short time. Then, since they have set a 'legal precedent', my guess is that in about 6 months the 'fee' will be raised about 10 fold. If we can raise a million dollars, think of all the good that we could do with 10 million dollars. Hey, if you didn't challenge the tax to begin with, you consent to its legitimacy.
This is an awesome climate change scam. Expect to see this all over in the near future.
Top 10 Attributes of Really Lazy People
10. Fail to put forth the effort to complete a task. 9. um... and probably some other stuff.
Obama's Permission Slip
European Department of Food, Thermostats, and Motor Vehicles.
Dear Sirs,
As per Obama's mandate that "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," I am formally requesting permission to drive to work this morning. It is a bit chilly this morning as well, I would like to temporarily turn the heat up in the house for a hour or two. Also, if it would not be too much trouble, please allow me to have some breakfast. Please respond as soon as possible, I need to leave pretty soon if I am going to make it to work on time.
Thank you for your time and consideration
Reactivated Soldier Suddenly Finds Conscience - Refuses To Serve
Disgruntled ex-soldier Sgt. Matthis Chiroux, a 24-year-old student and publicity hound, released a statement today that he will not be reporting for duty as ordered to service in Iraq on June 15. He courageously stated that he believes the war to be illegal and will not serve there. He said he will not flee the U.S. to escape prosecution for desertion. He had no comment when asked if he will be holding a press conference after the arrest warrant is actually issued.
The press happily assigned blame to the military for recruiting him to serve, saying he was the kind of young American US military recruiters love. Chiroux is quoted as saying "I was from a poor, white family from the south, and I did badly in school. I was 'filet mignon' for recruiters. They started phoning me when I was in 10th grade." Chiroux, who had no problem going to college this semester after taking money from the GI bill, suddenly found it appalling that he would be expected to actually serve the rest of his contractual commitment.
A nutty group of malcontents calling itself Iraq Veterans Against the War somehow gained credibility and got in front of Congress today to tell their sad tales and tug at the heartstrings of gullible Congressmen. And they told Congress exactly what they wanted to hear. There were tales of crimes and atrocities, and even a picture of some graffiti in Arabic saying "America, welcome to your second Vietnam." Those crazy Iraqi kids; spontaneously and without direction spray painting the latest talking point from moveon.org on some building.
It seems that Chiroux was an Army photojournalist who served honorably for almost 5 years. He never served in Iraq, but shortly after joining the Iraq Veterans Against The War, he suddenly came forward with "stomach-churning testimony of the horrors and crimes taking place in Iraq." Again, he was never actually in Iraq, but he heard these stories, so that is good enough to testify in front of Congress. He had a change of heart to come forward with these stories that he never told before because, "for fear of retaliation from the military, I failed to report these crimes. Never again will I allow fear to silence me." I am certain that the new friends in the Hate America group had nothing to do with him suddenly finding a conscience.
Another victim of the brainwashing, Kristofer Goldsmith, made more outrageous claims today as well. In an effort to paint all of our military members as racists, he said "I joined the Army to kill people. I joined the Army to kill Iraqis, to kill Muslims. To kill people that were a skin tone other than mine and inhabiting the Middle East." It's ok though, because he has now seen the error of his ways, saying "I want to state that I have since changed. I am no longer a racist. I am no longer filled with hatred like that. But that is what drove me, even harder, to join the Army and to fight in combat."
He went on to assign blame for the unjust Iraqi war:
"Before I go on I want to say that I do not blame you, as Congress-members, for not ending the war, as many Americans do. I do not blame the president for not ending the war. I blame the people of America and their apathy, because they are -- you are responsible for following what they say. And they have not done a good enough job to convince the rest of your peers -- namely Republicans -- to fight to bring our troops home and save lives in both America and Iraq."
Let's blame the Republicans for the war. I am sure we won't be hearing that many more times between now and November. Do you think anyone will actually buy the crap these people are dishing out? Wanna bet Congress starts some investigations soon? Let's wait and see.
Bush's Remarks Spark Outrage
The Republican attack machine continued to roll along yesterday as President George Bush made the following statement:
"Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along."
A response to this inflammatory remark was quick from the Democrats, sparking comments from several key politicians. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi criticized Bush, saying it was unfair to level any criticism whatsoever at the presumptive Democratic nominee, particularly before the Presidential election. Hillary Clinton also spoke out against the comments, saying the tradition of using their own words against Democrats has gotten out of control. "I have had this problem myself recently, and it is time for this practice to stop," Ms. Clinton explained as she dodged sniper fire during a press conference.
Obama also defended himself as the new controversy erupted. "It is offensive and outrageous to suggest that, because I said I would meet with heads of terrorists states several weeks ago, that I still believe that today. This is blatant pandering and fear mongering and it is wrong." Obama said in a Democratic presidential debate last July that he would be willing to hold talks, without preconditions, with the leaders of Iran, Syria, North Korea, Venezuela and Cuba. "Just because these leaders finance terrorists and direct their actions does not make them bad people. To suggest that they are is preposterous."
Safe Baby Handling Tips
These tips are from the book Safe Baby Handling Tips by David and Kelly Sopp. The images are used with the permission of the authors. If these tips make you cry, but in a good way, then you share my bizarre sense of humor. You can get them on shirts, mugs, and more at the Sopp's website at www.wrybaby.com.
Why does anyone care what Sean Penn does?
Barely Relevant Actor Sean Penn
Usually when someone lights up a cigarette, the media generally talks about how horrible and filthy their addiction is. This reaction is typically magnified if the user chooses to smoke in a prohibited area. The person who decides to commit this gravest of crimes is vilified worse than a conservative eating barbecued panda at a vegetarian picnic.
Well evidently this attitude only applies to people who are not celebrities. Yesterday, the French press reported Sean Penn lighting up a cigarette at a press conference while visiting their country, where it is illegal to smoke in any public place. Instead of bashing the smoker as usual, the article slobbered all over themselves, characterizing his heroic actions as he "led a minor revolt ... against France's draconian new anti-smoking laws."
I wonder why the French press would have such a love affair with an increasingly irrelevant, anti-Bush celebrity like Penn. I am sure he was just making a political statement, and not acting like a spoiled rotten brat who thinks the rules don't apply to him. When some of the other actors also fired up their lighters, the article said they were "clearly inspired by (their) colleague's defiance." Afterward, the French press got up off their knees and had a cigarette themselves.
Wanted: Low Interest Gasoline Loan
Regular unleaded gasoline at the corner store near my house just reached 3.99 a gallon. Now that everyone is paying around four bucks a gallon, I wonder if this will be what it takes to wake people up. For years, conservatives have been vilified by the media for going against the environmentalist movement. Their 'movement' is more anti-capitalist than pro-environment, and those 'tree huggers' have successfully sued this country into our current situation. I hate to say we told you so, but .....
I am sure the media will continue to gleefully try to convince us that biiiiiiiig oil is to blame for the high gas prices, but the reality of the situation is starting to get out. So, while you are shelling out almost a hundred bucks to fill your tank this week, here are a few things to think about.
The last refinery built in the U.S. was in Garyville, Louisiana in 1976. You read that right; that was over 30 years ago. There was an attempt in 1979 to build another refinery, but this was tied up in court for 9 years before finally being canceled. Who do you think brought that court case?
U.S. oil production has fallen 40% since 1985, while consumption has grown 30%. Oil production was nine million barrels a day in 1985, and is now below five million barrels a day.
The Outer Continental Shelf in the United States contains over 44 billion barrels of oil, and 232 trillion cubic feet of natural gas. 85% of this area is off limits to exploration because of the environmentalists. There is enough oil in these areas to power more than 60 million cars for 60 years. Why do you suppose all of this would be off-limits?
Of all the available energy deposits in the U.S. on Federal Lands, 51 percent of oil reserves and 27 percent of the natural gas reserves are presently closed to leasing - or completely off-limits.
We now import 60% of the oil we consume in the U.S.; up from about 40% in 1970. OPEC now has our nuts in a vise, and oil is heading toward $200 a barrel.
As fuel prices rise, the price of everything will go up since manufacturing and delivering will become more expensive. I personally think the big 'psychological barrier' that has to be crossed will be $5 a gallon. That is when people will take to the streets, and the fun really begins.
So when you have to tell your kids that there will be no summer trip this year, just smile with the knowledge that some newt, tree frog, or perhaps a salamander was not put in harms way. Food bill tripled? Hey, its for the frogs. Never mind that crashing sound; that's not an endangered tree; it's the economy instead.
Just How Crazy Is Ahmadinejad?
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad impressed the world yet again yesterday as he celebrated the 60th birthday of the creation of Israel in a predictable fashion. When asked about the lack of balloons, streamers, and cake for the party, he remarked "it would be futile to hold a birthday ceremony for something which is already dead." Instead, the leader of Iran has made yet another innocuous remark about Israel, saying they "would soon be swept away by the Palestinians." He continues to be oddly preoccupied with what he has called a "regime (that) does not exist." He also demonstrated his mastery of all things ironic, as he called the Jewish state a "terrorist and criminal state."
For their part, Israel is 'somewhat concerned' about the remarks from the possibly delusional leader of Iran. His statements could possibly be interpreted by some as a hint or suggestion at a threat of some kind of misfortune to fall upon the Israeli people. For some reason, Jews are historically somewhat 'sensitive' to threats of extermination, particularly when coming from countries that have the capability many times over to carry it out. The reason for this sensitivity still remains a mystery to the Iranian regime.
Some of you who follow politics may have difficulty knowing whether or not to believe some of the statements made by leaders around the world. For your convenience, I have constructed an 'insanity scale' below. The higher the insanity score, the less that the person is believable. As you can see, I have included examples at points along the scale, along with some statements to help illustrate and justify their place on the scale.
Rev. Pat Robertson - Televangelist on the Christian Broadcasting Network When referring to Venezuela's two-bit dictator Hugo Chavez; "I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it" And may Jesus Christ be with you too, Reverend.
Hillary Clinton - Non-viable Democratic Primary Candidate for President Winning big in West Virginia, yet no longer statistically being able to win the national primary; "This race isn't over yet." (Note: She may continue to move up this scale as her delusion continues through the summer)
Kim Jong-Il - The Diminutive Supreme Commander of the Korean Peoples Army "The U.S. has become too arrogant, having no bomb falling on its soil for more than a half century. That’s over. Should a single particle of radioactive fallout reach North Korea, the U.S. will become a sea of fire.” Worst case of nuclear missle envy I have ever seen.
Rosie O'Donnell - Out-of-work Actor "Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers." I guess once you have kids, it is no longer possible for you to kill indiscriminately. The Rosie Think Tank once said people confuse passion for rage. I must be confusing your passion for stupidity.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - President of the Islamic Republic of Iran On Israel's 60th birthday, wishing a happy birthday by saying "this (Israeli) regime is on its way to annihilation" I guess that's Persian for 'Happy Birthday'.
Rev. Jeremiah Wright - 'Former' Pastor of Democratic Presidential Candidate Barack Obama "The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as a means of genocide against people of color." Right.... I can't imagine why a politician would distance himself from someone like this.
Attention Activists : Please DO NOT Use The Term 'Global Warming'
Dearest Faithful Disciples of Gaia (Mother Earth)
It has come to our attention that there are potentially significant problems with our contention that the Earth is being destroyed at the hands of Man. There seems to be a recent cooling trend that in a handful of years, has pretty much erased several decades of global warming. (See attached image.)
It is important that you do not let detractors use these so-called 'facts' to interfere with our enlightening the masses on the harmful effects of Man's greed. I have included a few talking points to use to dissuade anyone who challenges our Holy Mission.
1. In the future, please make sure to use the term 'man-made climate change' or 'anthropogenic climate change' when referring to global warming. This will allow us to credit any weather pattern we desire as evidence of the damage caused by man, even blizzards in Baghdad and thickening ice sheets in Antarctica. It is very important that we do not get pinned in by terminology and that we define the discussion as soon as possible. If we control the language, we control everything. Try to avoid talking about 'warming trends' during cold snaps. Although cold winters are temporary, it looks bad when you are talking about the earth heating up while wearing a parka. His Holiness The Honorable Al Gore learned this when he gave a lecture in New York on the coldest day of the year.
2. You must state "this is not an issue of debate, but an issue of emerging truth." Don't back down from the FACT that man-made global warming climate change exists and is beyond question. Say that the debate is over, and the science is in. State that the dissenting 'scientific' opinions are from jealous people who crave the lime-light.
3. Do not allow detractors to point out what their 'scientists' have found. Sew doubt in their conclusions by pointing out that their scientists' research is funded by corporations that produce fossil fuels or greenhouse gases. If they point out that our scientists are funded by companies that sell 'green technologies', say that our companies are just being responsible. Use the term 'in the pocket of big oil' as often as possible. Dispute the validity of the millions of dollars the Magnificent Al Gore has received from and invested in green companies.
4. If the skeptic tries to expose Champions of the Environment such as the Majestic Al Gore using private jets or living in large energy-consuming mansions, simply say that they are paying for carbon offsets to more than make up the difference. Also, say that their mission of informing the public is much more important than the use of a little fuel. When they reply that we should ignore people who preach "do as I say, not as I do," ask how many carbon offsets they've bought or Nobel Prizes they've won. That should shut them up.
5. We all know that CO2 makes the planet warmer. Anyone who points out that the CO2 emissions of China or India are exempt from Kyoto need to be convinced that we just need to lead by example. If a skeptic makes the contention that a warmer planet causes more CO2 to be released rather than the other way around, state that they are confused. Tell them the CO2 emissions from hundreds of thousands of years ago were from fires, probably started by Man.
6. Don't let your detractor use Kyoto as an example of harming the U.S. economy. The exempt countries like China and India would have nothing to gain from watching the U.S. economy tank. Should someone point out that the economy will be severely crippled if CO2 emissions are legislated to the level that is needed to make any impact, simply point out that there is no price too high to save our planet and our children. If they persist, ask if they are in favor of killing our planet and killing our children. (Important: Do not use this tactic when arguing for abortion rights.)
7. Credit any weather catastrophe to man-made climate change (or MMCC). This article in the New York Times does it perfectly, saying both deluges and droughts will be caused by global warming, I mean climate change. Observe how descriptive words such as 'deluge' and 'swamping' are used instead of just 'heavy rain' or 'wet'. Be sure to take credit for anything bad, and talk about good weather as temporary or 'anecdotal evidence'. As we all know, we had perfect weather before Man came along. Any weather can be caused by man-made climate change, and it has to be harming someone, even when it is 70 degrees, sunny and raining money.
8. Some skeptics will point to solar activity and its correlation to the temperature on earth. Do NOT let this argument take hold. Just because the Earth is warmed by the sun does not imply that more warmth is coming from the same sun. We cannot possibly blame anything on mankind if the sun is the source of the problem. Say that the solar cycles make only a tiny contribution, and that the scientific consensus on solar effects are still no
He promised an immediate withdrawal from Iraq, but it could take up to 16 months, which may need refinement depending on what the generals say, and we can't leave if the region would be 'unstable' .... did I not mention that earlier?
